I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
