he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
