Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
