Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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