I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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