Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
