Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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