You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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