Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
