what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
