So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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