did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
