I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
‪I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse. ‬
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
