i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
