forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
