ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
