She went from zero to smokin in five shots
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize