i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
