I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I want her autograph on my taint
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Randomize
