It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
