i don't plan on having that self control this summer
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
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