I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
