Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
These tits shall not be calmed
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
