I want to make a zoo with you.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize