having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
