Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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