i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
