Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
