someone owes me an orgasm
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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