Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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