If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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