you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
