I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Randomize
