Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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