I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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