Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
