he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
