Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
