I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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