I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
