you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
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