i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
