Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
