it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
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