He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
