Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Randomize
