I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
