Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
