great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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