dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
