She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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