Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Randomize
