Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
