just come out here and I will go home with you...
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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