Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Randomize
