In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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