I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize