I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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