You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Randomize
