are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
