so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
