It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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