I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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