Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
