There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
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