I want to have your abortion
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
