So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
