Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
