Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
