I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
You took a bar mat shot.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
