He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
